Joke for Today!

  • avatar

    by: salehoo_group
    SaleHoo Staff
    2057 posts

    Joke for Today!

    Posted 28 May 06 9:24 pm.

    The Judge admonished the witness, 'Do you understand that you have sworn to tell the truth?'

    'I do.'

    'Do you understand what will happen if you are not truthful?'

    'Sure,' said the witness. 'My side will win.'

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  • avatar

    by: jadzia1182
    SaleHoo Master Member
    153 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 29 May 06 6:28 am.

    Cute :P
  • avatar

    by: sydney-salehoo
    SaleHoo Staff
    2 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 30 Mar 10 10:55 pm.

    I didn't know we have "Joke for today" in here 'till now. hehe

    Sydney

    Wholesale Directory by SaleHoo

  • avatar

    by: richellemonfort
    SaleHoo Staff
    3734 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 31 Mar 10 12:33 am.

    Hi Sydney,

    This thread is actually pretty old (2006)..when Salehoo was still quite new. But there are a handful of similar threads with some pretty hilarious lines =D

    Cheers!

    Richelle

    Customer Support
    SaleHoo Group Limited
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  • avatar

    by: bucfsan
    SaleHoo Junior Member
    25 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 31 Mar 10 1:40 am.

    The question Richelle, were these threads intended to be humorous?
  • avatar

    by: richellemonfort
    SaleHoo Staff
    3734 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 31 Mar 10 3:18 am.

    Hi bucfsan,

    Honestly, I don't know. I wasn't around when they were started.

    Cheers :)

    Richelle

    Customer Support
    SaleHoo Group Limited
    Sell more with your own professionally designed and search optimized e-commerce website. Check out SaleHoo Stores now!

  • avatar

    by: bucfsan
    SaleHoo Junior Member
    25 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 31 Mar 10 3:33 pm.

    well guess might as well try to get it started again.

    While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "Are there any gators around here?"
    "Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
    Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
    About halfway there he asked the guy, "How'd you get rid of the gators?"
    "We didn't do nothing,'" the beachcomber said.
    "Wow," said the tourist.
    The beachcomber added, "The sharks got 'em."
  • avatar

    by: bucfsan
    SaleHoo Junior Member
    25 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 1 Apr 10 11:17 am.


    Saturday Morning, 2:00 am

    Early Saturday morning a policeman waited across the street from a popular bar, hoping for a nail a drunken driver, possibly preventing a tragic accident.

    At closing time the patrons came out and the officer spotted his potential quarry. One man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car.

    After trying his keys on five other cars, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes, as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on, then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.

    Finally, when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away.

    The patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalyzer test, and to his great surprise, the man blew a 0.00.

    The patrolman was dumbfounded. "This equipment must be broken!" he exclaimed.

    "I doubt it," said the man, "Tonight I am the designated decoy!"
  • avatar

    by: bucfsan
    SaleHoo Junior Member
    25 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 2 Apr 10 10:56 pm.

    At the end of the tax year, the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit the books of a Synagogue.

    While he was checking the books he turned to the Rabbi and said, 'I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do you do with the candle drippings?'

    'Good question,' noted the Rabbi. 'We save them up and send them back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a free box of candles.'

    'Oh,' replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:

    'What about all these bread-wafer purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?'

    'Ah, yes,' replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. 'We collect them and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then they send us a free box of bread-wafers.'

    'I see,' replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. 'Well, Rabbi,' he went on, 'what do you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you perform?'

    'Here, too, we do not waste,' answered the Rabbi...............

    'What we do is save all the foreskins and send them to the IRS, and about once a year they send us a complete prick.'
  • avatar

    by: bucfsan
    SaleHoo Junior Member
    25 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 3 Apr 10 2:17 pm.


    A Polish immigrant goes to the Bureau of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver's license and is told he has to take an eye test.

    The examiner shows him a card with the letters:

    C Z J W I X N O T A C Z

    "Can you read this?" the examiner asks.

    "Read it?" he replies, "I know the guy!"
  • avatar

    by: bucfsan
    SaleHoo Junior Member
    25 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 5 Apr 10 2:33 pm.

    A passerby noticed a couple of city workers working along the city sidewalks. The man was quite impressed with their hard work, but he couldn't understand what they were doing.

    Finally, he approached the workers and asked, "I appreciate how hard you're both working, but what the heck are you doing? It seems that one of you digs a hole, and then the other guy immediately fills it back up again.

    One of the city workers explained, "The third guy who plants the trees is off sick today."
  • avatar

    by: stepper
    New SaleHoo Member
    2 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 9 Apr 10 6:58 pm.

    A Chinese couple gets married - and she's a virgin. On the wedding night,
    she cowers naked under the bed sheets as her husband undresses. He climbs in
    next to her and tries to be reassuring: "My darring, I know dis you firs
    time and you flighten. I plomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do
    anyting you want. What you want?".
    "I wanna numma 69", she replies.
    He looks at her very puzzled and says, "You wanna beef wit broccorri?"

    gourmet coffee snob
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    stepper
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  • avatar

    by: T0pSales
    SaleHoo Master Member
    325 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 15 Apr 10 6:10 am.

    my attempt at humour

    I used to have this problem.
    Everytime I seen a good looking sheila, something would pop up.
    they always knew what I wanted.
    then after some long thought I decided to strap it to my leg.

    walking along, seen a gorgeous woman.
    kicked her in the teeth and shot her in the eye.
  • avatar

    by: fudjj
    SaleHoo Staff
    2969 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 15 Apr 10 8:34 am.

    Ok, time I got in on the action I guess : )

    Three ducks, Mother, father and baby duck.

    Mother duck says, my instincts tells me we should fly south.

    Father duck, my instincts tells me we should fly north.

    Baby duck, my end stinks as well, but it doesn't give me any direction at all :(

    Marc Ransom

    Community Manager
    SaleHoo.com

    About the Community Manager

  • avatar

    by: T0pSales
    SaleHoo Master Member
    325 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 15 Apr 10 10:25 am.

    Whats the deffinition of a speed hump..

    Quickie
  • avatar

    by: fudjj
    SaleHoo Staff
    2969 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 16 Apr 10 1:43 am.

    OK, I hate to play the role of the joke police, but to save us having to remove the thread altogether, please just try and think about what you are writing before you post a joke.

    Of course everyone's idea of what is funny is different, but try to remain sensitive to others who may well take offense by a poorly misjudged attempt at humor, end up complaining to admin, and then forcing the closure of the thread altogether.

    Just keep it on the lite side guys, and then we can all enjoy it : )

    Marc Ransom

    Community Manager
    SaleHoo.com

    About the Community Manager

  • avatar

    by: dmdiscounts
    SaleHoo Senior Member
    100 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 17 Apr 10 4:57 am.

    Sorry Marc. Didn't think it worse than the sex jokes.
  • avatar

    by: fudjj
    SaleHoo Staff
    2969 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 17 Apr 10 6:27 am.

    No probs DM, but that's the drama we have, trying to draw the line somewhere lol. As they say, one persons joke is another's law suit lol!

    Marc Ransom

    Community Manager
    SaleHoo.com

    About the Community Manager

  • avatar

    by: T0pSales
    SaleHoo Master Member
    325 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 17 Apr 10 6:50 am.

    i am truly sorry and will not do it again..
  • avatar

    by: dmdiscounts
    SaleHoo Senior Member
    100 posts

    Re: Joke for Today!

    Posted 17 Apr 10 7:23 pm.

    Understand completely Marc the last comment was me just being a smart ass. How do you feel about Helen Keller jokes?