Need to vent...

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jadzia1182
Posts: 153
Joined: 23 May 06
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30 May 06 04:22:29 am
Sorry about this, but I needed to vent about something.

My best friend is highly competitive of me. Everything I have or get or do, she has to try to have, get or do better. This has gone on for years, and it went to the point that when she found out my now husband proposed, she decided her and her boyfriend were getting married too, bought herself an engagement ring and told him he was marrying her. They're now on their way to divorce court because she married him to one up me, not because she loves him.... but that's not the point.

The point is... A few weeks ago, I decided to start my own online business. I spent hours upon hours doing research, trying to find wholesalers, applying for tax id's, reading about starting a business, etc. I was putting in 6-10 hours a day, possibly more on research alone for almost a week straight before getting started.

Anyways, the more research I did, and the more work I did, the more she wanted me to hand her my information... I started selling on ebay, so she had to too. And she wanted to get into buying wholesale and reselling... but didn't want to do the work. She wanted me to hand her all my work, so she could go in direct competition with me, selling the items that I already had ordered for inventory.

The only thing I gave her for it was a site that required a federal tax id (which she doesn't have and doesn't know how to get) and also required a minimum order of $200 (which I know she can't afford). Plus it was a site that I wouldn't order from because it was expensive compared to where I got my stuff, so based just on price, she couldn't compete with me. When I wasn't forthcoming with my sources and research, she suggested going into business together. I told her I wasn't ready for that, but truth be told... I'd be the one investing all the money, because she doesn't have any (not that I have much, but I had enough to get started at least). I'd also be the one investing all the time, etc. She just wants me to do the work and her to make some money from it... and I won't do it.

The past couple days she hasn't bugged me about it, but I'm waiting for the bugging to start again.

Am I wrong to be annoyed by all this? My sister also asked me for help, but instead of asking me for all my research, she just wants me to point her in the right direction. She's done some searching on her own and just can't find the right info... I don't mind helping, but I'm not doing the legwork for someone else to reap the benefits.

Full Member
jadzia1182
Posts: 153
Joined: 23 May 06
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30 May 06 04:24:25 am
One more thing to add to all of this... she was trying to open a Cartridge World business recently and couldn't get the financial backing for it... but when she was making plans for her business, I wasn't included. She had no intention of hiring me, knowing that my husband and I could use some financial help... but then expects me to give her a totally free ride. At least if I was working in her store, I'd actually be earning the paychecks I'd get.

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0tnic
Posts: 102
Joined: 16 Jan 06
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30 May 06 07:51:31 am
hey, i know the feeling. My own mother is the same. I made the mistake of showing her a website that has awesome clothing on there and you know what she went and did.... Used MY account to buy stuff on her credit card. i must have left it loged in (my mistake) She ended up selling it on trademe (auction site in NZ) i was soooo pissed. she wanted me to keep giving her the sites i buy off. Ive since moved away from her and said ive quit trying to start up a business. shes settled down now and hardly mentions it.
This isnt the only thing my mum has done. I mention loosing weight (which i did loose 25kg) and she started a diet etc and made her partner pay for her to go to weight watchers.
I mentioned buying a new car... so what did she do... yep she went and bought a new car...
My step sister has announced a couple of months ago that she was having a baby,. i make quilts in my spare time and my mum said she was thinking of making one and getting someone to make a matching coloured shawl....

i can see exactly where your pissed and im in the same situation. why do people have to be like that!!!!

Full Member
jadzia1182
Posts: 153
Joined: 23 May 06
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30 May 06 12:13:39 pm
I know... it's nerve-wrecking isn't it! I don't mind helping people who are at least trying but I hate it when people are lazy and just want to sponge off someone else's hard work.

And the competition thing... its nuts. I already mentioned the whole engagement thing... then she rushed to the altar to beat me there (my fiance and I decided to wait to marry until we had the money... we just wed in March after being engaged for just over 2 years).

I bought a digital camera and digital camcorder a few years ago... she had to go buy better ones. Anything I buy for my three year old, her three year old has to have better and more. My husband and I are finally able to afford a cheap used car... she has to go get a brand new car. We bought a couple new tv's a few years back due to one dying and wanting to upgrade, so we bought a 20 inch tv and a 27 inch. She had to go buy a new tv too... a 36 inch one.

Also, I can sympathize with the weight loss thing. I started dieting and exercising to lose weight. I don't do anything special, but it's been working for me. I started losing and being complemented, getting checked out by guys I didn't know, etc, and she decided she wanted to lose weight too... but didn't start watching what she eats. Instead she signed up to get gastric bypass surgery (which I can proudly say I don't weigh enough to qualify for!) She doesn't even get the surgery until September, but she tells me all the time that now she's gonna be thin before me, not that I care. To me, at least I'm doing my weight loss the right way. She barely qualified for the surgery, and is capable of losing it the right way, but won't. She has all kinds of health problems including diabetes due to her weight and won't even try to control that on her own... she'll eat a package of oreo cookies in one or two sittings by herself. I on the other hand am healthy, even though I'm over weight. I need to lose about 80 pounds (not sure what the kg are).

She even went so far that she tried to get my now husband to leave me last year. She has a bad relationship with her husband and figured that if she wasn't happy, why should I be. So she was trying to get him to leave me and our three year old daughter... while I was pregnant with our second daughter. Thankfully, he finally came to me and we worked everything out and her plan didn't work... turned out he was depressed because of work and it was having a huge impact at home.


Anyways, sorry these posts are so long and sound so bitter. I just needed to vent to someone other than my husband. He's sick of listening to it... he sees what she's doing and hates it too. I figured others who are out there doing the same work I am woud understand better how I feel about her wanting me to just hand over all my hard work and effort...

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0tnic
Posts: 102
Joined: 16 Jan 06
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30 May 06 12:41:11 pm
No problem at all. if you ever wanna talk add me to msn Link hidden: Login to view

i dont get why people can be like that. its insane!

On the other hand i now have my ex texting me saying how much he misses me and wants be back...

Full Member
jennifer77
Posts: 163
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30 May 06 03:15:55 pm
i would buy and resell to her. if she dosent want to do all the work screw it. sell to her and get paid for all the work you did.

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auction-4-you
Posts: 48
Joined: 12 May 06
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30 May 06 05:16:35 pm
Ive gone through the whole 'free ride' thing myself recently. It ended up in me throwing out 2 colleagues in a rather messy fashion. Basically ive busted my balls for the business, and made a lot of money for everyone. I went away for 2wks on a pre-planned holiday that was booked before the business was even concieved. They royally screwed up everything. while I was away.

I got back and kicked off - The amount of times I heard the excuse 'dont complain to us, when you werent even here'. I seriously wanted to knock their blocks off. They couldnt understand what a rubbish excuse that was - a business that they were equally involved in and their reason for it failing was that I was away! Idiots. Their attitude was obviously 'yeah this business is great, so long as you do all the work and I get money for nothing. But if it affects my life and I have to do anything then im not interested'

Now they are history, Im not sharing big profits between lots of people and decisions are made quick and without debate. Never run an eBay business with more than 2 people involved.

Full Member
jadzia1182
Posts: 153
Joined: 23 May 06
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31 May 06 04:25:11 am
To me, most ebay businesses can be run by one person or couple. If you're dealing with tons of products every week, I can understand hiring someone part time to come in and box up shipments and stuff like that... but otherwise, I won't go into business with anyone but my husband. If I need help, I'll hire someone at an hourly wage.

I don't trust anyone with my money and my possible future.

I considered buying and reselling to my friend, but I'd rather have my sister sell for me... though she'll have to take a few weeks off of that... She had a baby boy this afternoon. He was like 4 or 5 weeks early, but other than a low blood sugar level at birth, he's perfect. I get to go see him and my sister tomorrow. I can't wait :D

Once she's out of the hospital and feeling up to it, she'll be going into work with the baby to show him off, and I know she'll be pushing the body jewelry too.

I'm not worried about the delay though. she needs time to enjoy her new bundle.

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0tnic
Posts: 102
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31 May 06 04:28:45 am
congrats to your sister!!!

Babies are soooo adorable! i cant wait to have my own

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centercorp
Posts: 178
Joined: 19 May 06
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31 May 06 04:46:14 am
This is a messy situation, however the fact under all the mess is, she really looks up to you. Now she is going about it the wrong way, and she wants to surpass you. The solution? Its gonna hurt to say, but it really doesnt help to not help. Dont spoon feed her, but make her noggin start. Make her FEEL the work that's involved, dont show her a site, tell her to do her research for a week and present it to you. Then honestly help her. Go back and forth as you would a child, because she is acting like one in some ways. How would you teach your child? Would you give him or her all the answers or ask them the quesitons and give them the tasks so that they can learn to get the answers themselves?

The final thing I feel I must say about this is you have to be direct with her about this business. Sit her down and tell her politely but to the point that this is a competitive business and that if she wants to do what you do than dont choose the same products as you or use the same sources as you if she chooses to. If she does choose your products and she does her own research and finds a better source more power to her, now the right thing for her to do is to be grateful and share the source, but that may not happen. Its the price we all pay for being decent loving people.

If it really bothers you, just be direct. Let her know what's really on your mind. Let her know you want her to succeed as I'm sure you do, but let her know that in life, its all about the reason why you're doing something that matters most. Show her the reason you are into this business, and help her decide what her passion is. I think she's latching onto you, and while thats good sometimes, she may end up doing something she doesnt have a passion for. If you do these things, she'll slowly start to change for the better I hope.

P.S. Feel free (anyone as well) to email me or chat with me for any advice or problems you may have, I love helping others whereever I can.

-Benjamin

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jadzia1182
Posts: 153
Joined: 23 May 06
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31 May 06 05:13:58 am
To a certain degree.... I refuse to hold her hand and guide her.... I'm going to be 30 soon... she's going to be 38.

Something I've learned in our 10+ years of friendship is she always wants the easy way out. She quit her last job because she didn't feel like going and leaving her 2 year old daugher with her mom. And even when she was still technically employed, she only showed up for about half of her hours.

For the cartridge world business she wanted to start, one of the requirements was for her to go to California for training. She didn't want to do it, so she found a way around it... Hire a store manager, send them to the training then have them come back and teach everyone including her. She had her mother in law doing her business plan... not helping, but doing... then she couldn't get funding and abandoned that idea...

Then I decided to start the ebay/online selling, so she had to do it too. First she said we should go into business together... I told her I wasn't ready to go into business with anyone. I've made all of $14 since starting and that will pretty much cover my ebay fees so far... So then she wanted me to give her my body jewelry site. I instead gave her a different one with higher prices and lots of requirements to order from them. No matter what she couldn't have afforded to purchase anything anyways... she doesn't have any money to invest.

I suggested she get her feet wet with selling her daughters clothes that are out grown, stuff she was going to put in a yard sale, etc. She placed a few auctions (with starting bids way too high, but I left that for her to learn)... and didn't sell anything. Now she's half given up on it already... after 4 auctions.

If it's not the easiest road for her, she doesn't do it. That's why she opted for gastric bypass surgery when she could easily diet and exercise... why she quit her job... why she's not trying to find some other money source to start her business.... etc.

I'm not making the road easy for her. If she's gonna make any money on ebay, she's gonna work for it. When I told her to find something she wants to deal in, and research it and the prices for it wholesale, so she knew if she could make a profit or not, her response to me was 'I don't want to do all that work... you're so much better at finding that stuff than I am. You should do it for me' I told her that I'm busy enough doing my own. I'd be willing to give her some terms to search depending on what she wanted to start selling, but that's as far as I would go.

She hasn't asked for help since.... must not want to do ebay that bad then.

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centercorp
Posts: 178
Joined: 19 May 06
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31 May 06 05:27:04 am
She'll learn one way or another. Just hope she learns through a good friend as yourself than to get a real harsh reality check with a stranger. She does have strengths though from what I can tell. She would be good at delegating and finding more efficient ways of doing things (once she does them herself though). This is one of the reasons my Credit repair business was not successful in the end. My partner I felt wasnt doing the stressful work, and it seemed to me that he was taking the shorter route, not wanting to do the work that took the most time and headache. Granted what he did wasnt a cake walk, but in a business that you own I feel that you need to immerse yourself in all fields of it, so you know exacly how it feels and how stressful it can be. We both had our faults though and I wouldnt be the person I am today if it werent for our experiences together. Its made me a better man.


-Benjamin

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