I see that you've made some changes to the listing I highlighted yesterday, so let me just run through this listing now and give you some ideas on your description layout.
Firstly let me say that it's good to see you drop the sub title, I think that was a waste of money. Sure, it's only 50 odd cents, but doesn't really serve any purpose and all those 50 cents add up when you are listing a lot of times over time.
After all, better to have the money in your pocket, rather than give it to eBay when you don't have :)
Now looking at your header, much better, but I would drop off the "for business man" at the end. That space could be better used by perhaps slotting in some keyword friendly descriptive terms.
Note the description itself. I'll paste yours here, then redo under that to show you how that could be improved even more.
Are you trying to impress your next big client? We've got you covered! Have a look at this very stylish men's fashionable bag.
This Bag in particular may be used as a laptop bag, a messenger bag or as a briefcase for a businessmen.
It features:
- a zipper compartment,
- a laptop/notebook computer compartment,
- a certificate holder,
- a cell phone/Smartphone holder,
- 2 pen holders.
This Men's shoulder bag can add more style and fashion to your appearance.
Product Content: Leather Shoulder Briefcase Bag for Business Men.
Condition:New
Material:Hard Leather Imports + Napa Leather
Dimensions: 15.2" x 11.2" x 4.75"
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I like the bullet point style you have adopted above, however lets look how much more effective we can make that with just a quick rewrite and better of spacing. Now, you seem to be wanting to aim this at the professional business man, so I am going to slant my rewrite at that market, but make it more unisex based to increase my chances of a sale
Listing follows;
Presenting a professional image in business is everything, and first impressions really count. Make the right impression at your next meeting with this high quality, stylish and desirable 100% pure leather shoulder bag from (insert makers name here)
This Brand New, 100% pure leather shoulder bag is absolutely perfect for carrying your laptop, using as a messenger bag or as a very fashionable briefcase. In fact you can use it for just about anything as its design provides true carrying flexibility, with an extremely strong focus on style and professionalisim!
Features;
- Secure zipper compartment,
- Convenient laptop/notebook computer compartment,
- Handy certificate holder,
- Cell phone/Smartphone holder,
- 2 pen holders.
Bag Dimensions
Dimensions: 15.2" x 11.2" x 4.75"
Making the right impression in your business starts right here!
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OK, take a look at that rewrite and see what you think. What I have done is not just described the product, but I am trying to sell it by creating a desire, by making buyers believe that this is something they absolutely need.
Sales is all about selling, online or offline. Now you can do it one on one when you are involved with more traditional sales as offline, so you have to use what ever you can to sell the product when you're selling online.
Remember, most buyers won't even realize that this is a product they need. It's your job as a sales person to convince them that they do. The more convincing you are, the better sales person you are and that equals more sales!
Getting back to the Point Of Difference from my last post. While a well worded and targeted description isn't really a POD, it's about building up points over and above your competition. Every time you do something better than your competition, you're one point closer to making a sale before them.
I make this point as I read that you used the wording of a competitor for your description. By all means look at what someone else has written, but then you have to find ways to out do their description, not just rely on what they have done.
Build enough of those points and you are building a POD.
Cheers
